Non-Gay Friendly Friends: Apologist or Bigot?
I have several friends who don’t believe in gay marriage. They feel that it goes against their religious beliefs and therefore they don’t support it. However, these friends feel the same way about gay marriage that I do about abortion: we don’t agree with it, but we’re sure as hell not going to try to stop other people from living their lives. It’s a very different belief than the idea that they have a right to tell me who I am and am not allowed to marry.
These are the friends that would be appalled if their church ever started performing gay wedding ceremonies. They can’t fathom ever being interested in a person of the same gender, it just doesn’t occur to them. Most would probably be vastly uncomfortable if I took them to Pride. At the same time, they accept Parker as my partner. They treat him the same way they would any female partner I had, which is exactly as it should be. They decline to vote on things like Prop 8 because they recognise their religious views aren’t universal, but at the same time can’t bring themselves to vote in favour of something they disapprove of. It’s not a great compromise and I’d obviously prefer that they support my marriage, but it’s better than actively trying to divorce me.
Yet somehow I’m close minded. I’m close minded because I refuse to associate with someone who would take the time to tell me I’m invited to their wedding, but I can’t bring Parker because they don’t want a same sex couple ruining their day. I’m close minded because I would not pick someone to godparent my child after they told me they don’t believe I should be allowed to parent at all. I’m close minded because I refuse to continue a friendship with someone who told me they can’t go to my wedding because they don’t believe in gay marriage.
What’s funny is that this isn’t coming from one of my straight friends, but from the gay community itself. The same segment of the gay community that shuns The Sisters and believes Pride is simply making us look like immature club kids. This is the HRC loving, fag bashing, “straight acting” part of the gay community that just sat by and watched as an entire generation of gay men were wiped out by AIDS. After all, they deserved it for being such whores instead of partnering up like good little homos. God forbid anyone actually enjoy themselves after centuries of having to hide in the closet.
I hate this segment of the community. I hate them more than I do the bigots who want to bash my face in. At least I know where I stand with bigots, they make their opinion very clear. These gay men pretend their our friends, then they toss us under the bus when it suits them. These apologist, anti-sexual, heteronormative faggots don’t realise that there’s a very large difference between disagreeing with someone and actively treating them like they’re less than human simply because of their orientation. They’re the ones that are hurting the gay community most, but no one’s willing to step up and do anything about it.
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