Another double post.  Blame illness and school.  I’m just happy I keep remembering to think of things to be grateful for every day!

One of the things about being kicked out at 15 is that you learn very quickly who your friends are.  If it weren’t for some amazing friends, teachers, parents, and mentors I would never have survived.  I was a naive gay kid from the suburbs, what the hell did I know about being homeless?  I am incredibly grateful for people willing to take in strays.

Without these amazing people I would have ended up another statistic.  There are services for homeless youth in California, but they’re crowded and underfunded, the likelyhood of a teen like myself slipping through the cracks is high.  In fact, it’s almost guaranteed.  Instead I was lucky enough to have people willing to let me crash in guest bedrooms and living rooms and (for a couple of warmer weeks) backyard tents.  It wasn’t ideal, but it was better than the alternative.

Most people would consider this among the worst things that can happen to a teen.  In reality those first few months were among the best in my life.  I was happy for the first time in years, I managed to keep up with my school work (something that’s difficult for me even now), and I learned more about myself than at any other point in time.  As I got older life slowly became more difficult, but the challenges were closer to the normal growing pains of early adulthood than they would have been otherwise.

One thing about this experience is that it has made me quick to adopt my own strays.  I started a non-profit for other at risk youth precisely because of it.  I’m no longer in the same area (hell, I’m not on the same coast), but I’d like to start another for teens in the DC area.  Particularly gay teens, unlike San Francisco, DC doesn’t have as many of the same options.

Which brings me to #11: I am grateful for the ability to take in strays.  Parker and I aren’t making tons of money or anything, we’re actually on a pretty strict budget.  We’re doing better than some though, certainly enough to help out if necessary.  There have been times in my life where taking in strays was flat out not an option, either there wasn’t money or there wasn’t room.  I hated those times.  It is not in my nature to turn someone down when they ask for a favour.

Now we have enough space to take in a stray (maybe two, if they’re small).  We have a very comfortable couch and once we clean up and finish decorating we’ll have a decent amount of room.  Money is tight, but if I have to budget for another person I probably can come up with something.  I like that.  I like that if I have a friend who needs help I can do something other than listen.  I know that sometimes having someone to listen is all a person needs, but when you’re not sure where you’re going to sleep tonight…well, words can only go so far.

This likely explains why I decided to convert to Judaism when I was 13 (before I figured out that my family actually is already Jewish).  Tikkun olam and all.

Finally catching up.  Today I am grateful for my relationship with Parker.

The Duggars have announced that they’re having a 19th child.  I actually don’t mind the Duggars, though we likely disagree on just about every fundamental issue.  That’s not what this is about at all.  While going through the comments of various news postings someone asked if Joshua and Anna (the eldest Duggar and his wife) ever dated.  Well, that got me over to their site (they didn’t date in any sense people think of now) which led me to their “Marriage Tools” section because I’m horribly over curious.  From there I recognised a book that someone I know is currently using to prepare for their marriage, a book I find more than a little over simplistic and ridiculous.  That led me and Parker on a several hour long Google trek through every “Are You Ready for Marriage” quiz there is.

Which brings me to what I’m grateful for today.  It turns out that Parker and I have been “ready for marriage” since the first ten or so minutes after we started dating.  We were friends for a while before we became a couple and during that time had some seriously marathon phone conversations.  We covered everything from our favourite type of weather to how we’d like to raise kids so by the time we were dating there wasn’t a whole lot more to go over.  Anything we missed we figured out by living together (for example, we don’t do well when neither of us has had sleep).

I keep forgetting that there’s a fundamental difference between the way conservatives view marriage and the way liberals do.  I’m not sure either is any better, but they’re both very different.  We view our marriage as something that’s just there.  Not a whole lot of thought or effort put into it, but also not something we’re willing to just throw away.  It’s more a state of existence than something that requires conscious thought.  If we have a problem we fix it.  If we don’t we just go on our merry way.  It’s…different from what most of my conservative friends and classmates do with their SOs.  Again, not necessarily better or worse, just different.

Either way, we’re doing pretty well so far.  Officially married a year so half way through the point where you’re most likely to kill each other.  Check in with me again next June.

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To make up for never getting to this last night, I’m also grateful for service dogs.  I don’t have one yet, but I’m grateful for the ability to have one if I need to.  Not all countries allow epilepsy service dogs so instead I’d have to deal with my issues on my own.  I’m not fully sure I’m capable of that, it’s hard enough right now and I’m mildly stable.  Medication isn’t an option because they all react badly with me.  A service dog is kind of my last option.

Some people wonder why I’d want a service dog.  Epilepsy is theoretically treated with medication, I don’t need a dog to alert to my seizures, why should I get a service dog?  Wouldn’t that just be a glorified pet?  Well, no, not really.  My epilepsy can’t be treated with medication, we’ve tried.  I could get surgery, but it’d be brain surgery and I’m not so thrilled with that idea.  Instead I’m looking for a dog who could tell me when my seizures are coming so I have time to prepare.  The dog would also respond by alerting either Parker (via a special button on our home phone) or someone at school/work.  If I’m not up and ok in 5 minutes then the people around me know to call 911 because at that point something’s gone wrong.

One of the other issues with epilepsy is dissociation.  Mine wasn’t an issue until recently, but now that it’s started I’m not so thrilled.  The dog would be trained to keep me in one spot until I come to and am able to function again.  It’s a far better option than me wandering around DC for several hours with no recollection of what I was doing during that time (which has happened).  Some still think this isn’t enough.  To them I would like to say, try not being able to leave the house alone for fear of ending up 6 states away.  Do that for a month then tell me whether or not you think I should have a service dog.

I know, I’m horrible at the whole daily update thing.  I do try, I just have horrible ADHD.  In fact, this post has been sitting here since I first realised I was one short on my last update.  It really took me this long to finish and post.

Which brings me to thankful item #5: I am grateful for my ADHD.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but there are aspects of the disorder that I enjoy.  When I’m hyperfocusing I develop an incredible eye for detail, to the point where I notice minute differences in shades of colour.  This is also how I realised I have perfect pitch and taught myself to play several instruments.  I’m sure I’d be a more disciplined student without my ADHD (who with ADHD wouldn’t be), but I’m not certain that’s important enough to me to risk losing other aspects of my personality.  My ADHD allows me to see the world in ways that most people don’t, I consider that a gift.

That’s why I’ve avoided medication for so long (though I may go back to it to get some sort of degree) and also part of why I’m grateful to have a decent amount of medical knowledge.  When you’re the kid with all sorts of unknown illnesses you learn to spend a lot of time with the medical dictionary.  I was lucky enough to have an amazing doctor who recognised how much I could understand and spent vast amounts of time teaching me about medicine.  I then went on to not only study on my own (though there’s been a fair bit of that along the way), but also study formally in the UK until the (then undiagnosed) ADHD kept me from being able to keep up with the coursework.  Unfortunately, by the time I would have been able to apply for help with the ADHD related aspects of the course I had already failed a term’s worth of subjects so I had to leave the university.  I would like to go back though, if only to prove to myself that I can.

That “prove to myself” thing is another part of myself that I wouldn’t change for the world.  I’m more stubborn than most anyone I know and for this I am incredibly grateful.  For one thing, it’s kept me alive for more than a few years.  I wasn’t meant to make it past five, then ten, then 18, then 21.  Each time I essentially told the experts to go screw themselves because, well, I’m stubborn.  At least, I was as I got older.  When I was younger I simply didn’t know enough about what death meant to really believe it’d happen and be permanent.  I don’t expect this to last forever (after all, I’m still human), but it’s served me well so far.  Also means I’ve done some ridiculously fun (and often stupid) things simply to show people that I can.  That’s how I got into extreme sports and wilderness survival.  There was no way was I going to let anyone else show me up, which ended up overriding my innate timidity.  (I really, really hate the idea of hurting myself.  I didn’t even climb trees as a kid.)  Overall, I have to say that being stubborn has been one of my more useful traits.

There’ll be another one of these later today.  I just feel odd saying “today I’m grateful for” when I’ve only been up for two hours.

Ugh.  First I had a horrible exam to study for (anatomy, ewww), then I spent a day vomiting (also ewwww), and today I’ve had a bad series of seizures (likely brought on by low blood sugar and insufficient calories after not eating at all yesterday).  So I got a bit behind on my Gratitude Challenge.  Apologies for that, I’m back now.

Today, I am thankful for my higher thought capabilities.  I didn’t realise just how rare it is until recently.  I always assumed that ignorance and bigotry are due to a lack of education, not an innate inability to understand logic.  Then I got into a debate about ACT UP.

Now, I don’t necessarily agree with all of the things ACT UP does.  In fact, I generally am opposed to the actions taken by the newer incarnations simply because they’re so far removed from the original vision of the organisation.  However, I will vehemently fight for their acceptance amongst the larger GLBT community.  Why?  Because we all need to get out a little aggression sometimes and ACT UP (and Queer Nation and even Bash Back, though I don’t really like them) is a very good way to do that without actively pummeling homophobes.

The person I was debating with is Catholic.  A very liberal Catholic who was raised to accept all people regardless of sexual orientation, race, class, gender, etc.  He started off as a staunch supporter of gay rights, as well he should be with that background.  He then claims that *ACT UP’s actions at a local Catholic church turned him off to GLBT rights for several years.  He insists that one vigilante group made him do a complete about face on a serious political issue.

I find it hard to blame ACT UP for that.  In my opinion that is not an issue of bad publicity, but one of poor cognitive function.  There are always going to be controversial or just plain screwed up members of any given group.  However, we rarely assume that because one segment of a group believes something, all others do as well.  For example, some Christians are homophobic, racist, sexist twits.  I recognise that these Christians make up a small minority and do not believe that all members of the Christian faith are like that.  I have higher thought capabilities.  Thank G-d.

*It’s very likely that the actions weren’t really taken by ACT UP, but by a local splinter group.  The media often assumes that anything other than a march involving GLBT rights is put on by ACT UP.

I am also thankful for healthy food.  Going to the grocery store today I realised that Parker and I a pretty lucky to be able to afford good quality, healthy food.  One of the biggest issues with nutrition today is that almost everything is artificial.  I try to avoid artificial colours and flavours and if there’s a non-HFCS option for something I’ll buy it even if it is more expensive.  However, as we attempt to pay down some credit card debt and save up for a visit to my London family and a service dog so I can actually function like a normal human we’re finding that we need to cut costs in a few areas.  One of the ways people constantly recommend is clipping coupons.  I’m not normally a fan because in order to get coupons you need to buy the Sunday paper and not only will we never actually read it, it’s a waste of perfectly good trees.  So I’ve been seeing what kinds of things I can find online that don’t require me to spend $1.50 on dead rainforest.

There is NOTHING that isn’t horribly over processed.  You can buy a 10 pack of Ramen for $1, but a bag of rice is 4-5 times that.  Fresh fruit is relatively easy to find, but if you want it to not be covered in pesticides you have to pay double.  I won’t even get into the horrible quality of even expensive produce in and around DC or how I’m not fully sure that the beef is 100% cow.

Luckily, we can afford to spend a little more in the areas where it matters to me because I make most things from scratch.  I like to cook, it’s fun for me.  I’m rarely hungry after, but I enjoy the experience.  So instead of buying prepackaged, processed cheese we get big blocks (preferably local varieties) from the deli and shred/slice it ourselves.  The quality is better and I don’t feel horrible about contributing to global warming and food shortages.

I am incredibly grateful that we can afford to do this.  Not everyone is so fortunate.  I wasn’t until relatively recently.  Now I just want to find a way so that it’s affordable for all families.  Everyone deserves healthy food.

Finally, I am grateful for my health.  I know, that seems ridiculous after you read the first paragraph of this entry.  I’m better than some though.  I’m not perfect, I certainly have my health issues (both physical and mental), but there are others who are worse off.  I can go to school (most of the time), I can get a job (as well as anyone in this economy), I can help around the house.  It’s taking some time and I could use a little more help, but I have the ability to be a contributing member of society.  That’s important to me.  I like to help people.

Plus, this is nowhere near the most ill I’ve been.  When I was 7, fighting leukaemia, half the weight someone my height and age should have been, too ill to eat without vomiting, severely anaemic, and unable to move without either extreme pain or utter exhaustion, then I was sick.  Now I’m just having some issues with my epilepsy.  I’d much rather that than a cancer relapse (which is pretty unlikely so don’t worry).

And, uh, to leave this on a happy note (because isn’t that kind of the point?), here’s a link to pictures of cute kittens.  Who doesn’t like cute kittens?

Just to warn everyone, I’ve gone ahead and made all comments screened until I’ve approved them.  Some asshole decided to make anti-religious remarks and I just won’t tolerate hate.  I like debate, I can handle ignorance, but please don’t call people names or say you wish they’d die.  If nothing else, it’s rude.

Hopefully this won’t last long, once things have settled down a bit I’ll revert back to the way things have always been.  To make up for it I’ve also turned on the reply to comment feature so have fun.  Just be civil while you’re arguing.